Say WHAT?

Last week Steve and I headed out with my good buddy Susan (one of the best Mommies I know) to put our registry together for Peanut.

I thought this would be fun, but it was freakin scary because during the time we bopped around Babies R Us I realized.....

There is soooooooo much baby stuff I don't know...

Like:

• All the things you need that the baby literally uses for like 4 or 5 months MAX. 

Man that depresses me! The only things I use for 4 or 5 months MAX are my Netflix DVDs. And, even that gets stretched out longer sometimes....

BTW Steve still needs to return Starship Troopers 3.........Yeah........

• I have to trim those tiny fingernails?

EEEEeeeeeeeeekkkk!!
Ok this scares the crap out of me. I've seen newborn nails and they are like Mini-M&Ms (or smaller...Oh God).

I think I shall assign this job to Steve. :) I am already having nightmares of missing my target while attempting this. There is a reason I went into Advertising and steered clear of any medical profession of any kind.

Freakin Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkk!

• Meet your Lactation Consultant

What? There is such a thing as a Lactation Consultant?  

That sort of sounds like a "made up" title? Like F.B.I.= Female Body Inspector...

How does one get into that profession? A lot of immature jokes are erupting in my mind...

I shall refrain...... :)

• What the crap is Thrush?

Apparently, thrush is an infection you and your baby can develop from breast feeding and can be incredibly painful and gross. CRAAAPPPPPP.

I thought a Thrush was a bird..which it actually may be...hmmmm.....

"Note to Self".....Wikipedia that shiz-nat after completing this blog post.

• The difference between burp clothes and receiving blankets

I actually still don't know the answer to this...

When you "receive" the baby, do you bow and/or curtsy? ;)

• The difference between Medium and Fast Flow Baby Bottle Nipples.

I mean I'm not a dumb ass, but I was like "WHAT are those?" Apparently the milk comes out faster in the Faster Flow Nipples.

Ok maybe "D' OH Krista!" with that one..

I guess this leaves me incredibly thankful that I have great friends and family like Susan in my life to help teach me this stuff.

I hope she stays my friend.

.After she starts receiving calls from me at 3am like this:

"Sue! The baby didn't burp after nursing this time! Is he choking? What if a gas bubble makes his stomach explode? Should I call the ER?"

"Crossies!" that she does.


Susan and Me.

Before either one of us reproduced :)

Pre-emptive Thank you's for "Seasoned Mommies Advice" IN ADVANCE:

I love you Susan, Mom, Momma Beyer, Aunt Cindy, Carrie, Mrs. Bearer, Dana, Kristen & Tiff. 

A. LOT.

Your advice will keep me sane and reduce my panic attacks. ;)

JUST KIDDING on the panic attacks...I hope...



Oi. Vey.