First Lamaze Class

Last week, Steve and I had our very First Lamaze Class!

 

The most ironic and hilarious thing was that our instructor was a lady that was in Girl Scouts with me for 7 years when we were kids.

 

When we walked up to her to check in I was like:

 

"Wow. Oh Hey Michelle... How you've been for the last 16 years since I've seen you? Good. That's coolio.  Last time I saw you we were rocking out to Seal's "Kiss From a Rose" and riding a bus to school! So I get to ask you all about labor and my undercarriage now... that will be completely un-awkward right? ...NOT!" 

 

LOL

 

The first class was mostly an intro to the labor process and stuff I already knew and the Moms and Dads "To-Be" airing their "pregnancy grievances."

Mom's	Did/Does Krista Have that?
Leg Cramps	Yes
Headaches	Yes
Morning Sickness	Yes
Weird Nightmares	Yes
Braxton Hicks Contractions	Yes
Fatigue	Yes
Frequent Bathroom Trips At Night	FREAKIN YES! About once an hour now Boo!

Dad's	Did/Does Krista Have that?
Violent Mood Swings	Nope. Never. No matter what Steve says… ;)
Increased Appetite	"What do you mean you only brought me home one cheeseburger?"
Hogs the bed	"Just because you are freezing, blanket-less and have only 2 inches of space doesn't mean I'm "hogging" the bed. "
Weird Nightmares	Yes!

LOL


Speaking of stuff I knew...I knew that Peanut had to fit through a relatively small area, but I gotta say when Michelle demonstrated it with a baby doll and model pelvis ...all I thought was "Awwww crap that's so freakin small!!!!!!!"

And immediately asked Steve if he could be the one to labor Peanut instead.

Wouldn't that be more of a FAIR trade? If us Ladies carried the babies for 9 whole months and the Daddy's pushed the babies out at the end instead?

Much more fair Nature.

Alas, even though Senior Esteban (Steve) is unable to birth Peanut, he has been extremely helpful lately and I love him lots!


He now has new and exciting jobs like helping me put on my socks as I look like this....

"Changing the 5 second rule to 5-10 minutes...."

 

 

 

Excited to see what the rest of the 5 weeks of Lamaze classes bring.

 

Especially since I haven't gotten a chance to really make some good "in-class" jokes yet.

 

One of the Dads actually was a shade faster than me and said "Grab your balls" when we all sat on the birthing balls to practice breathing.

 

I had that joke in my backpocket dangit!

 

 

 

"But did you know that when it snows

My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen
BABY!!
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on a gray"


BTW what the CRAP do those lyrics mean Seal? And do you regret that wind machine? ;) LOL

It's a BABY SHOWER!

On Saturday November 10th 2012, our fabulous family and friends threw us a AmAHzing baby shower for our dear Peanut!   Shower invite by Confetti Prints Etsy: http://www.etsy.com/shop/ConfettiPrintsShop Some pictures of the beautiful decor:            Steve, Peanut and I are REALLY blessed with all the wonderful people in our lives. So many of them came to shower us in love, gifts and tasty treats for our Peanut.   We love you all so much especially all the ladies that helped make our shower so amazing:   My Mom/Peanut's Nana, My Sister/Peanut's Auntie Brittney, Stevie's Mom/Peanut's Grandma Beyer, Sarah, Amanda, Kristen, Shannon, Amy, Aunt Cindy, Cuzzie Erin, Linda Bearer, Erica Susan and Stacey.   Here is a slide show of all the beautiful photos of Peanut's Shower:

All photos taken by our dear friend Kristin Wimsatt. Check out her blog: http://thecraftygiant.blogspot.com/ Here is her post on the AmAHzing blankie she made for Peanut: http://thecraftygiant.blogspot.com/2012/11/tetris-baby-blanket.html Thank you soo soo much Krissy Darling!

What the?

 The freakin Baby Mop!

 

Yes this is a REAL thing.

 

Because, why wouldn't you want to use your precious child to clean the floor?

 

I mean they are KIND OF wasting time down there just sliding around right?

 

Why not clean the floor while they're at it?

 

Even your 6 month old needs to earn his keep right?

 

 

 

The worst thing about this is that people are actually buying it!!

 

 

 

FYI this is why Europe laughs at us.

 

A lot.

 

 

 

From the website, betterthanpants.com (great site name btw....not!) where you can buy it:

 

Top 5 reasons you NEED a baby mop:

1. Teach your baby a strong work ethic early on in their life.
2. Your baby will learn not to drop and waste food.
3. Baby will get a nice workout, burn off energy, and do muscle toning. And sleep better too!
4. Not having to clean your floors saves you time so you can spend it doing things you enjoy.
5. Save lots of money on house cleaning costs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baby Shower Preview

Our Baby Shower for Little Peanut was this past Saturday and it was AmAHzing.

 

More info on the awesome-ness and some wonderful pics to come.

 

In the meantime....

 

Here's a preview....

 

Me, Peanut and "Auntie" Amy & Katie:

 

 

Peanut's gorgeous Cake:

 

 

 

 

Aw Jeez this shiznat just got REAL! :)

 

 

Krista's T-Rex Arms

You know that phrase "I've fallen and I can't get up?"


Oh you know it.


All of us 90's kids quoted it repeatedly in Steve Urkel's voice...for... years.


I never thought it would happen to me for realzees....


I was enjoying a relaxing time in the tub reading my Rolling Stone and rewarding myself for heading to the gym (going about once a trimester...but who's counting...lol) and when it was time to get out of the bathtub....

I found I couldn't....

Because my arms suddenly became about as effective as a T-Rex's:

Teeny tiny and couldn't support the weight of my huge expanding belly.


Thank God for Steve and his ability to act as a "Future Father/Forklift" at the same time.


Note to self: will be avoiding the bathtub from now until Peanut arrival and especially if my "Rescuer" Steven isn't home....


I'm just saying "No" to bubbles... :(

Best Pregnancy Voicemail Ever

Time: 12:05am

Place: Our house. Steve and I are fast asleep.

We receive the following "drunk dial" voicemail. Hilarious-ness ensues....


Thing 1: Hey d*ckhead

Thing 2: Hey a**hole

Thing 1: You're not a d*ckhead I didn't mean that. Ooh I love you.

Thing 2: We're calling you because we were trying to figure out if you want to talk to us.
Apparently not. Because you're a Baby Mama so you're probably sleeping.

Thing 1: You're growing a child so we get it.

Thing 2: Yeah we get it you're harvesting a kiddo. Well wait you're not harvesting because that would mean...hey there's something on your face!

Thing 1: Ok we love you.

Thing 2: We hope you have a good night we love you we miss you.We hope that in approximately 60 days you push out a fabulous kiddo.

Thing 1: You will. For sure. We hope for a speedy push.

Thing 2: You're gonna need a lot of drugs. You're taint's probably going to rip. They going to have to sew your Va-jane-a.

Thing 1: No they don't.

Thing 2: When they tear what it tears what they are sewing? (yes that is what was said. No typo..lol)

Thing 1: It's not your Va-jane-a it's your taint.

Thing 2: What if she tears in the front like Kimbra did?

Thing 1: Ew that's unfortunate. OK love you.

Thing 2: We hope that doesn't happen to you because Kimbra has a very funky...sewage situation
Actually Kimbra looks just like you! You guys would get along great!

Thing 1: Oh My God the cops are here! Gotta go!

Thing 2: The 5-0!



As you can see I had to protect the identities of my inebriated friends and referred to them as Thing 1 and Thing 2.

BTW...the "cops" was actually a pizza guy...LMAO.